Finally in India, I feel time is speeding beyond control… So many things to do, social visits to make, old friends to catch up… but I fear if I can make it all in this trip.
Being home, even after three years this time, doesn’t feel new or strange. Meeting relatives, especially the older folk, feels good. Still jet lagging! Or is it the great fresh food from moms kitchen? Yesterday I bumped into a tuition-friend from 10th standard – Urvi Sahni! I was delighted. We exchanged numbers. I asked her for her contact info. As she looked for some paper chit in her purse, I observed that she hasn’t changed much – she looks as pretty! She told me she has a 9 year old and a younger one. I was shocked, and happy. As she wrote her name, I observed she is Urvi “Suri” now. I asked her for her email ID and she said that she isnt that internet savvy and hardly gets time to switch the computer on. I suddenly realized that not the entire world is on cyberspace, as I thought, like me and my cirlce of family/ friends. I quickly learnt from this revelation. It was so happy to meet this friend and see her settled with kids and all. But when I reflect on it, it is like being in a time machine. It just doesn’t feel a decade and a half has turned, feels it was just yesterday that I had this life and these friends! To put it in Bollywood lingo – lagta hai maano kal hi ki baat ho!
I keep looking at faces whenever I am on road; people appear familiar…
My fear now is the day I have to leave, especially as parents would be alone after me and my brother and my uncle leave for the US. Scary! Or is it going back to a place that has very few things and people that I have back home…
My most recent memories are from the last couple of years in the US. It was a new chapter, nay, a new ‘Act’ in life’s play! It is Friday night and that brings a relief of sorts. Besides, I leave for India for a few weeks this Wednesday. It is surely something to look forward to, though I must confess that I aint overtly excited about it. Yes – politically incorrect to say that, but I think the level of excitement is a function of age and not so much about situations/people/ things. I hear you: I am getting old!
I busy myself this evening with finally starting to pack for the trip. Half way through, I want to make this experience funner. Besides, its Friday night! With available resources in the refrigerator, I dig some soy sausages from the freezer (a treat for a recent ‘Veggie Convert’ that I am), some (healthy) cheese and some “Wine Enthusiasts – 10 Best Buys” Shiraz ! I do not watch T.V. as, or therefore, I dont have one. I am used to getting a sense of committing sacrilege the way people react to my “no-TV-situation”! Its high time kids textbooks updated the basic needs to : food, clothing, shelter and TV ! So, I decide to entertain myself with a good DVD tonight amidst my “packing dilemmas” – a term women can most identify with; “This or that“, “this one is sexier, but that one makes me look thinner“, “boots or wedges?”… Phew!
Anyways, I put “Sex And The City” Season 4, episode 49: The Agony and the ‘Ex’-tacy . I had not gotten time to watch this DVD ever since it was presented to me on my birthday. I had loved watching it on TV (exception here!) when in Chicago. Aim: uninterrupted and speedier packing for the night. I pour some wine, serve some cheese, dig into the “soysage”as I watch. I remember having watched this episode before. Carrie starts her narration and that is it! Her voice pulls me into the lives of these four women and I get caught in the screen-wine-cheese-‘soysage’ loop…
Carrie Bradshaw (the protagonist) is single, as her three other friends, and is turning 35 today. She is struggling with the “35 (and still single)” concept, her friends don’t turn up on her planned birthday dinner and a whole lot of events make matters worse! But eventually she and 3 friends do get together that night. And the conversation gets into singledom, do- soulmates-exist-at-all and not-having-a man-to-care-for making the night sombre. Its a very interesting conversation and situation of these women that most women of today identify with, more or less. You don’t have to be “35-and-single” to experience I-am-not-as-young-and-my-love-life-sucks. Its then that Charlotte comes up with a great thought which culminates that episode on a wonderful note: “maybe we could be each other’s soulmates and may be we could let men these be great nice guys to have fun with! “. It was such a beautiful and comforting thought (the first part), brimming with the true essence of love and friendship amongst the foursome!
Me and my three roomies during grad school (Smrithi, Athiya and Prajna) were there for one another always! Each of us had a great equation with the other. It was nothing short of special! I loved to watch with “Sex And The City” with Smrithi, listen to her ideas about life and men and fashion and food and shoes! To me it was like listening to this little girl in ponytails talking about life and philosophy! It was rather cute! Though we were years apart in age, and she was from another generation, we bonded. Athiya and me would draw similarities in our situations, our vulnerability and our approach to life. We were the “crazy saggi two-some”with similar ways of doing random worldly-weird things! Be it going biking for hours together or having wine in the University computer lab (carried in tinted water bottles!!) or be it getting a body piercing done one random evening! We always had a connection and we loved one anothers company! Me and Prajna would have discussions on art/ poetry (mostly Gulzar) /movies /relationships. It was a mature exchange of ideas. Being a Bengali, she has a whole cultural heritage to bring into our talks! We have spent nights playing long forgotten random classics on youtube, which would light each other up as we did our own thing in our respective rooms: she working on her PhD paper, and me, if not dragging with my assignment, perennially cleaning…..something.
On cold white nights when the city streets would be buried under inches of snow, our house would be brimming with warmth and activity! Some permutation-combination within the 4 of us would keep the night going! It was so beautiful. To me they weren’t just the roomies, they were great friends! And they could have certainly qualified for soul mates at that point in my life. Other people (read men) in our lives were actually the side characters! As I finish watching this episode of Sex And The City, I burst into tears and get very emotional (hmm… more than one glass of Shiraz …understandable!!) . I only remember my friends who are now scattered around the country. But these are the classic “khushi ke aansoo” (tears of joy) – any Bollywood fan will know what the hell I am talking about! I wipe my tears, close my eyes in a smile and start writing this post feeling good about the wonderful memories we made !
1018 S. Oakley (my address when in Chicago) had its own wonderful ways of going about things! Birthdays was one such occasion when all would try to bring to fore our creative sides (whether present or not), and make it memorable for the birthday boy or the birthday girl.
It was now mid November and we didn’t have any birthday for some time to come. Chicago snow and daylight only for a few hours wasn’t a pleasant experience altogether! On top of it, the impending exams in December and project deadlines for something – familiar to me only as coffee until a few months back – Java was cruel! I spent nights in the computer lab struggling and would be back in the wee hours of the day. Thanks to the UIC”red car” service , which would drop us to and fro to the lab in a usually in a snow filled campus! My life started and ended with assignments, and fatigued, I’d be back home. Prajna (pronounced as Prugg-yaa), my roomie, would usually open the door for me; she’d be the one who would be awake those days. On asked why she was up so late, she would have a one liner “We are working on Bhushans resume!”. She and Bhushan ( one from the gang of four boys staying upstairs) would be quietly working on the laptops as I walked past her room. It was relieving to see not the whole world was sleeping as I burnt the midnight oil. Also, when you keep out of the “den”, you don’t quite know whats happening. I’d see saw people talking to one another on phone, discussing something, running from here to there and giggling, and would stop as soon as I was in the picture. Well, I do miss out on a lot of stuff being always out doing my assignments, I told myself. “Its not their fault after all”.
December set in. My last exam was on the 4th and I was preparing for this tough one the night before. Incidentally, 4th was also my birthday. As the ritual would go, my roomies and friends from upstairs came over at 12:00, got a nice little mini-cake, sang for me and then offered to leave me with my books. That was certainly nice of them. But this birthday was not like the “tradition”… Cut the cake, smear it on the birthday girl or boy (irrespective), smear anything and everything (that fell within the range of semi-solids and liquids) that they lay their hands on in the kitchen. (On realizing that the aftermath is horrifying for those who have to then clean the mess on the floor and all over, we jointly decided to change all this for the better; we now took the “target” to the washroom tub!!).
Suren(friends love him as someone you can always rely on) would be as if waiting to lead this ceremony with all his passion and energy, Vishal (an artist, amateur guitarist and singer, has a winsome smile) would be the official photographer, Athiya (one who loves to play pranks, the “brands” girl, completely ignorant of how she is loved by one and all) would be ruthlessly on the forefront, Smrithi (cook, passion for shoes, youngest and the wittiest) would be taking a sneak peak at “horrifying” masquerade, Prajna (the “social magnet” , singer, foodie, the tallest kid) would be busy cutting the cake into pieces, eating some (oh yeah! she lohhhhves cakes) pumping enthusiasm in the whole act while Bhushan (man of ideas, who remains chilled come what may) would ensure everything good and not-so-good is going smoothly! Once the birthday victim is fully drenched to the hearts content of the crowd, he was allowed to take a shower and come out of the “shock”. Till such time the rest would settle as if after a hard days work and relish the cake. Once the ‘victim’ was out, he was showered with gifts (literally so; all at Oakley believe in showing love through giving gifts!! We always went overboard! ). There is usually a wine bottle that the birthday boy/girl has to finish (yes- well s/he is expected to finish the whole one) and then give an emotional speech for the rest to enjoy. My brother Shomit was known to be an expert at instigating and emotionally blackmailing the victims into getting emotional. Getting overwhelmed with emotion and tears showing was an unsaid sign of great “success”!
There are so many more characters: Ram (karate kid + biker) , Sarang (artist and an organic chemist) , Nikhil (organizing personified) , Sachin (musician pursuing chemistry) , Yogeshwar (the philosopher) , Yogendra (Shah Rukh Khan die hard loyalist + Ph.D) , Kaustubh (nothing common about him), Tanu (deal-er: expert at looking and availing online deals)… I will talk about them in my upcoming book ;)!
So this night, I felt was certainly and I went back to preparing for the next days exam. I came back home the next day and what do I see: there is a gang of friends gathered at home. It was my Nth birthday (no: I am not talking about the value of ‘N”), and I was given gifts corresponding to the number… I was certainly shocked and happy at the same time. The last gift was certainly the best gift ever; they acknowledged pretty much everything what I was and what i liked, that I loved being photographed, my passion for my favorite male actors including the Big B, closeness to my family and all the past moments with this Oakley gang since the first time I landed in the US! And they did it beautifully by making this:
Those nights of resume-making were actually of making this video. Prajna and Bhushan had started to work on it days back downloading the software to make the video, thinking about the theme, selecting the songs and working with more than 300 photos!! They would steal my pictures from my laptop when I was not around and that’s when the running about and giggling used to happen which I couldn’t understand! I can’t thank them enough for the thought and for making me feel so special!
The world has noticed and loved the term “head fake” ever since Randy Pausch used it in “The Last Lecture“. There is a head fake here: this little video actually isn’t about me; its about ALL of us and all about those moments we had together which have become lifelong memories to cherish!
We all have moved out now, but the spirit of 1018 S. Oakley lives on!
When I look back at the years gone by, I feel that I had an eventful life. I always had a certain structure in mind that I thought my life would fit into, or will look like. But things that happened to me threw me off my premeditated ideal. I didn’t know to what I should attribute it all to: the choices that I had to make (there’s such an irony in the statement) which would turn out to be ‘wrong’ in time to come, or to ‘fate’. The latter approach, I realized, seemed comforting as it salvages you from the never ending ‘analysis – paralysis’ loop and you concede to the fact that things happen the way they have to irrespective of the choices we make.
None of the above theories could convince me deep down, until a few years back, when I came across this interesting book that caused a paradigm shift in me. Illusions by Richard Bach has been one of the best books I have read so far. It spoke to my soul, and when I most needed it. At the beginning, there is this parable that is very profound which is reproduced below:
“Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all — young and old, rich and poor, good and evil — the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned from birth.
But one creature said at last, “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.” The other creatures laughed and said, “Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!” But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.
Illusions by Richard Bach
Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, “See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!” And the one carried in the current said, “I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.”
But they cried the more, “Savior!” all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.”
The current, the flow probably knows where it is going, if we don’t. That’s so reassuring. This philosophy could be likened to the higher concept of being “sahaj” found in the Hindu philosophy, and in Sikhism. So is it reflected in the teachings of great saints known to be associated with various religions. Spiritual teachings and the philosophy therein does offer answers to problems, difficult life situations and ambiguity life puts us into. On an individual level, I did find solace in these teachings and this theory.
"What do we ever know that is higher than that power which, from time to time, seizes our lives, and reveals us startlingly to ourselves as creatures set down here bewildered?" -- Annie Dillard
Life according to one of life’s truly gifted naturally born wafflers… an open diary of a Saffer in a different land... life in the greater Dublin & Leinster area. (Blogging since 2011) My quests fuel my dreams… my dreams fuel my quests!!
Madame Zenista 