I struggle…

~ Madame Zenista ~ 6 Comments

It is when one is in despair and depression that there is struggle, and danger of falling in a deep dark pit that is very difficult to come out of. Or there is possibility of light, albeit a flicker, at the end of the tunnel, should one take those heavy first steps.  A poem written several years back still gives me hope to go on. To keep running…

See my other entry for Danger is here.

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The sun close to the horizon. Sunset, or sunrise, depends on the perception. Skyscape # 011

I struggle to go on with no light in sight
Like a runner out-of-breath and hope, halfway
Books, nor the Scripture, seems to come to my rescue
My knock on the Heavens doors falls on deaf ears!
I struggle to go on with no light in sight..
I come to you who is busy in a world not mine
Cant you tell in my indifferent pretense?
Read my eyes honey, I am breaking down!
I struggle to go on, but give up the fight
Where do I go and what do I do!
None but me knows my suffering the best
Almost dead, and without hope, I come back to me
I don’t struggle anymore, I just give in, hopeless
Thats when is born pure strength, a twin to my suffering
That takes me in its arms and wipes my tears
Whence did That come, who art Thou?
I catch some breath and start running again…

…at first sight

~ Madame Zenista ~ 3 Comments

Love at first sight… Not sure if that really exists. I would have said otherwise if I were still in my teens.

But what I do believe in is the what you know and feel  of a person when you meet him or her for the first time. As I look back into my life and the people I have met, and who of those were to be relationships for a long time to come, I did have some kind of a “gut” feel about them. There would be strong vibes and a “connection” that could be felt.

There are a few theories that seem to support this directly or indirectly, that I have read of. The first one is the few pages of Blink where Malcolm Gladwell explains how “logic” is more often than not, not be the best way to conclude something. In other words ‘spontaneous decisions/conclusions are often as good as—or even better than—carefully planned and considered ones’.

The second one is the the concept of past life, as I read in the books by Dr. Brian Weiss where he talks about souls travel in groups across lifetimes and how we meet those who we have to settle our “karmic relationship”. And so even if we meet someone for the first time, we get a feeling that we have known them for a long time! Reincarnation is something that I being a Hindu have grown up believing, as it forms a part of the Hindu philosophy.

It appears so strange yet fascinating, both at the same time. The more I think of these, the more intrigued I get by the mysteries of life and living!

Loneliness and Freedom…

~ Madame Zenista ~ 8 Comments

THE day dulls down, and the Sun deserts the skies
The cars speed homeward, the birds fly to their kin
Outside my window, the world’s hustle bustle dies
A loud eeriness I hear, deep down within!

THE poignant breeze blows, fans my latent desolation
A lonely me or a lonely planet, or crowded lonely objects about me I glance
Beyond problems or triumphs, lull or commotion
Its but me, just me,  and the uproar of silence !

THE sky floods with twilight, I transcend to a world far far away
I dare to go beyond to see, is this where the warm Light dwells?
I shed all that’s gross as I uplift, and let the rest in me  stay
Lo! Freedom infinite! With teardrops, my gratitude makes its way!

Art for the sake of art…

~ Madame Zenista ~ Leave a comment

I watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile sometime back. I am sure Wikipedia will do a good job describing about the general theme of the movie, so I will not. But as the movie got over, it had mildly stirred me. The underlying theme of the movie, seemingly, is feminism. But to me, it makes an attempt to awaken that human spirit dwelling in one and all; and that has nothing to do with gender really. For the seeker, the movie inspires and challenges her to reach where her heart points to. It is about fierce honesty to oneself and the great original work that is born of it.

The protagonist, an Art teacher, makes a reference to  Van Gogh‘s Sunflowers and The Starry Night, the contemporary masterpieces. These, as all his other paintings, were painted by the artiste of what he felt and not what he saw. He refused to conform to popular taste and went where his feelings and spirit led him. His paintings appeared crude and child like to the world initially. It took years for them to understand his technique, and to see “the way his brushstrokes seemed to make the night sky move”…

(Reproduced below is The Starry Night, courtesy Wikipedia)

The Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh
The Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh

And  Van Gogh never sold a painting in his lifetime. What honesty! What courage! What art… for the sake of art!

The “no-internet” situation!

~ Madame Zenista ~ 2 Comments

So we are between Internet services; we don’t have any service at home! I am not sure how I am going to survive this “no-internet” situation! What am I going to do? How am I going to function? I am sure, all those internet users reading this blog will agree that I am certainly not overreacting here! (Do not go on the exclamation marks after every sentence; I need some support here!) I think they should come up with some “self -help” books to deal with a crisis like this one! During this “sabbatical” from the “cyberspace”, wonder what are my days going to like, especially the coming Sat and Sun!

Thinking of activities I can possibly do as I sit in my almost empty (abandoned-like) office floor,  when the rest of the world is enjoying their Fri night after a long week, like a herd let loose!

So coming back to the one who is still tied to her office chair and laptop, thinking hard about my “to-do” list, this is what comes to my mind as I type : reading some stuff that I have been planning to, and haven’t been able to yet, for a long time/ getting up early to watch the sun rise from my window, then sipping tea till the sun warms up for his day/ spending some time with my roomie / weather permitting, taking a walk outside / cooking something yummy to go with the Yellow Tail gifted by a very dear friend (currently on vacation on the west coast!) / some PR phone calls to family – friends/ exercise-meditation / introspection and contemplation …

Hmmm.. that’s quite a list there, eh?

Wow! Up until now I knew how much change Internet has brought in our lives. Didn’t realize how much change, even its absence, can bring to us!!!

Heil Internet! LOL!